Hello, my beautiful caterpillars.

Today I’d like to talk about how our own worst enemy, in our journey to personal growth, often isn’t what’s outside of us. It’s within us. It comes in the form of a loud and toxic inner critic that can eat away at our self-esteem and our will to transform ourselves.

This harsh inner critic is one of the biggest obstacles to our  mental well-being. It catches us at our weakest and strikes usually when we need support the most. We make a mistake, it tells us how badly we’ve messed up. Things don’t go our way, it tells us we’re failures. It can seem like a painful yet inevitable process. Sometimes, we even think of it as the voice that wants to make us better by pointing out where we fall short. It’s the drill sergeant in our heads training us for the harsh realities of the world.

But, more often than not, the inner critic does more harm than good. Here’s why.

Self-attack can be a vicious cycle.

When we are feeling disappointed or distressed, self-attack ensures we are caught in a vicious cycle which feeds into negative emotions, self-doubt, and reduced self-esteem. This can be incredibly damaging to our self-esteem and general mental health.

Self-attack can come at a very high price.

When we attack ourselves, we diminish our sense of self-worth and undermine our confidence. This self-imposed negativity becomes a heavy burden, weighing us down emotionally and preventing us from reaching our true potential. It drains our energy, stifles creativity, and erodes our overall mental well-being. However, by recognizing the detrimental effects of self-attack, we can take the first step towards healing.

Self-Compassion is KEY.

Contrary to what some may believe, self-compassion is not a sign of weakness. It is a powerful tool for personal growth, resilience, and mental fortitude. Self-compassion means treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, just as we would offer to a dear friend or loved one.

How to stop ourselves from engaging in self-attack? Here are a few effective strategies that can help us cope:

Develop awareness.

Begin by recognizing the moments when self-attack is about to happen. Let’s write down a list of the usual attacks we make on ourselves so that we can quickly spot them when they rear their ugly heads. Let’s become extra mindful of  the conditions that give rise to our negative self-talk and learn to avoid them. The adage an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure is a wise one.

Reframe negative thoughts.

Using the list of usual attacks we launch on ourselves, let’s create another list which challenges those attacks by consciously reframing our thoughts about them. Replace self-deprecating statements with positive affirmations. Feeling unlovable? Our significant others and/or our dogs think the world of us. There are our cats, too, but the jury seems to be out on that one. Let’s make it a habit to focus on our strengths, achievements, and potential for growth as often as possible. Trust me, for every negative thought we have, there is an equal, if not even more powerful, positive thought.

Practice being kind to ourselves.

Let’s treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would extend to the people we care deeply about. We are not perfect. Let us please repeat that together: We are not perfect. Making mistakes is a part of being human. Let us use our mistakes as opportunities for learning and personal development.

Cultivate self-acceptance.

We need to embrace our imperfections and unique qualities. Sure, we need some tweaking. But doesn’t everybody else? It is our quirks and differences that make us beautifully human. It is our shortcomings that set us down the path of self-discovery and self-improvement. It is what makes us interesting. Let us celebrate our individuality everyday.

Build a support system and do not hesitate to reach out when the need arises.

Build a network of supportive family members, trusted friends, and professionals who can provide a compassionate ear and guidance during challenging times. We need to be mindful about the people we surround ourselves with to ensure that we are with positive influences that can uplift and inspire us. The last thing a person who is quick to self-attack needs is another person who is as equally ready to join in the attack. The road to healing is long and arduous. But with a great support network, the journey to self-improvement can become quite the adventure.

By following the above guide, we can break free from the chains of self-doubt and negativity – even if it is just one small step after the other. Embarking on this journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-love is going to be worth all the effort we put into it.

Together, we can tell that inner critic to hush the heck up and replace its nagging words with gentle whispers of encouragement and empowerment. Let us regularly remind ourselves that we are worthy of love, compassion, and all the happiness life has to offer. So, everytime we feel any hint of a self-attack sneaking up on us, let us take that first step today and say: “Not today, self, not today. And not tomorrow either.”